While searching for articles about investment strategies, you may come up short, or with something about investment strategies overflowing with jargon about IRAs that doesn’t seem particularly applicable to the real world, not very clear, and ultimately NOT fun to read
What HeadQuarters Gentlemen’s Club presents you with below are some basic investment strategies used by fund managers, yet as explained allegorically with customers and exotic dancers representing either investor, or investment. Some of what you are about to read has been inspired by an article entitled 6 styles of investment managers, found on BankRate. For further exploration into the subject one might be inclined to check out an informative article which synopsizes the type of investments made by hedgefunds — this article is located on the website for Magnum Funds.
The Bankrate article is brilliant and talks about Top Down and Bottom Up strategies, top down being sizing things up from afar and then narrowing it down, bottom up being understanding a company and their growth potential regardless of the economy on the whole. Fundamental or Technical Analysis where investors explore the assets, fundamental having a focus more on what drives growth ie the players, whereas technical is all about the numbers. Contrarian investing is where the idea is to buck the trend. Last but not least, Dividend Investing is where you know what you’re going to get.
So, to make this FUN! ENJOY THE ALLEGORY!
A top down investment strategy might be where an exotic dancer is looking to make the best “investment” possible and hence scans the floor to see what kind of customers are there. Getting a sense of the crowd, a wise stripper can get a sense of who’s looking to party it up and spend some money and which deadbeat is nursing a beer hoping to find a girlfriend.
A bottom up investment strategy on the other hand might be where an exotic dancer works the room, talking to all the customers to find out who seems most interested in her, and also to see which guys are buying dances or drinks as well as who might be wearing expensive shoes or a wrist watch.
A “fundamental” type of analysis investment strategy might be one where a customer is trying to figure out which dancer he wants to buy a table dance from. Based on the fundamentals, he may size up dancers based on her “assets” ie. how hot is this babe?! Is she confident and fun? Does she have an annoying personality? What about enhancements — has she invested in larger breasts, liposuction, or at least a fake tan?
A more technical approach of this nature might be one where a customer waits to see the stripper in action, interacting with other customers in order to establish a “track record” ie… do the other customers seem to happy with their dollars spent? The downside to a more technical approach is that it could require many a trip to the strip club in order to gain the type of data necessary to invest in a table dance based on this approach.
A contrarian strategy of investing as seen through the lens of a New York City gentlemen’s club might be where an exotic dancer spends forty five minutes chatting up what appears to be the cheapest dude in the club! This strategy could work for the dancer if the customer is so starved for attention that he makes it rain money! On the other hand, the stripper could be sadly mistaken only to discover just how cheap the guy really is.
On the other side of the coin, a customer with a contrarian approach to buying a table dance might opt to purchase dances from the most unattractive dancer in the club, being of the mindset that she really needs to work for the money and that her table dance will be MUCH more exciting than that of the hottest chick in the club… because the hottest chick in the club might be lazy in thanks to other customers spoiling her.
As for a dividend approach… a dancer with this investment strategy might focus only on “blue chip” customers ie. regulars with corporate credit cards that entertain clients on a weekly basis! A customer like this is a sure thing, the only problem is that a dancer needs to invest more time chatting up the customer because EVERY DANCER in the club knows that this guy is The Man. That said, she may lose out on opportunities to scrounge up some cash from the cheapskates that when all is said and done may end up being a comparable effort.
All in all, no one investment strategy will work always, so whether buying dancers, or looking for a customer to make it rain cash money, the individual has to have a variety of investment tools at their disposal!
In the meanwhile, make sure to “INVEST” in tickets to see Juelz Ventura and Gabriella Paltrova at HeadQuarters Gentlemen’s Club, on Thursday July 19th. It’s an investment in your happiness, and if you buy some tickets for your friends?? Well then, that just so happens to be an investment in friendship.